For once I can't think of a title

I am so blessed. This sentence is used to begin many of my entries and I know I will continue to use this line until the day I die.
I am so blessed, yesterday God spoke to me through many people and I finally heard Him and know my life's calling, my life's purpose, and my dream.
I went to a literacy conference that focused on inner-city and their problems and I have always been debating whether or not that's where I should teach. My parents and my whole family, since the day I declared my education major, have scolded me by saying "DON'T TEACH CITY KIDS BRANDY! IT'S DANGEROUS! THEY WILL EAT YOU ALIVE! YOU'LL GET HURT!" And I shamefully believed them. I told myself I'll get my masters and teach back at Dundee and love it!! Until that conference....
Earlier in the day there was a speaker Dr. Compton-Lilly. She was a gradute of SUNY Potsdam and a very excellent orator. She spoke of how we should know more about why Africans speak the way they do; they are NOT using incorrect grammar or demeaning themselves by using it. She told of how the literacy programs were trying to 'correct them' and after she was through I was apauled because I was one of the people who believe this; how could I? Who am I to judge or decide the normalcy of society. And so she got me thinking 'maybe inner-city is the path for me...' and i went to through the rest of my day thinking of what she had said.
Later their was an "Urban Panel" from inner-city Rochester from East High and their teacher was white and from the sub-burb of Fairport. He spoke, i felt directly at me....
"When I decided to be a history teacher I had this wonderful vision of how I would get my masters then go back to Fairport and teach in my home town, and i did this for 4 years. My wife works in the inner-city and I went to help teach a lesson with her and I absolutely knew that I wanted to teach here; this was my calling as an educator."
When he said this it was as if I could hear God in the background saying "Brandy, I brought him to you for a reason. He is the sign and direction that you are looking for". And I almost broke down into tears right then and there and we haven't even begun to panel discussion yet!! I held it together though.
We asked questions of the panel which was composed of about 9 african-americans, 4 white-americans, and 2 mexican-americans. They spoke with such compassion and still could laugh and be kids in each unique situation. One students asked "What can I do as a teacher, or a future educator, to help you?" And there was a silence. and One student named Josh said "Care" another girl joined in "Don't just come and teach for the paycheck, we have to many of those, teach us because you care; because you want us to succeed and get out of here"
I couldn't contain myself, I won't lie I shed a few tears.
I come from a rural town. My class were all lower-middle middle class students and all white. I feel rural and subburbs do not need my help; though they will always have my support. I want to help the inner-city school students. I want to show them that they can be anything they want; a janitor, carprenter, teacher, astronaught, president, anything. I want them to know the american dream is still alive and will continue to remain alive as long as their is blue sky, as long as they have faith.

Sweet dreams of a Vacation

I'm sitting in Muddy Waters Cafe with my friend Steph to my left and an empty chair to my right. I find myself going in and out of daydreams trying not to focus on intense pains in my leg and lower back. I keep asking myself "Brandy where would you rather be than here, at school?" A flurry of vacation visions swarm in my mind but only one truely makes me happy:

I wake up in a huge bed (i'm talking King-size), my sheets and blankets are so soft and smell like cotton and ocean. I take a huge deep breathe and slowly get out of bed. I walk to the window, which has been left opened all night, and breathe in the sweet smell of the ocean and the aroma instantly awakens my body and refreshes my soul and I say to myself "Thank you God for this day." I make tea slip into some shorts and t-shirt and take a mile run. I'm running along the beach leaving footprints in the sand which are eventually washed away by mother nature. I return home, take a shower and hang out all day wrapped in a robe. I take a book out to the beach and by this time I have somehow managed to get into a bathingsuit. I return home to some delicious dinner made by my one and only (who I have failed to mention throughout this vacation dream. However, he is with me the entire time). At the end of the day I go into a candle lit room and pray, I pray for everthing and everyone that I can think of; everyone imaginable. My prayer lasts for at least 30 minutes; I want it to be intense; I want to be in touch with God above and the God in me; I want to become closer with Him through the actions and people that I am around.
Though for me this daydream still lacks something; it lacks stability, it lacks unity, it lacks love, passion of the humanly kind not referring to the stability/ unity/ love etc that God brings into my life. I feel like this day dream is blurry in some places even though I feel deep in my heart that I can actually see his face. Is this fate that i'm seeing or just some silly girls wishful thinking?
I will continue to dream this vacation scene and I know one day I will reach it; i'll be here you wait and see; i'll be relaxing here and perhaps your wishful thinking will get the best of you. But fear not, dear dear wishfult thinker! Your wishful dreams will one day become reality and you will be the one who will set other thinkers wishes ablaze.

Spring Break

My spring break was not what I expected it to be. Before break I had told my Dad that I would help him at his work (he is a self-employed contractor) and I know he really appreciates the help. I figured that he would want my help a day or so and then I could just relax, go for walks, hang with my dogs, go to gramma's, read my books, and get ahead on my work....boy was I wrong.
I got home friday night and Mom brought home yummy pizza and Dad said we'd go to work in the morning. He let me sleep in till like 8:30 and we left by 9 and we were done by 4. I enjoy helping and I try not to complain. We worked the next two days until 4 each day. I asked Dad if I could have Tuesday off to 'relax' and get some school work done, he reluctantly said sure. And I slept in till 8:30, then off to the library at 1. It was a beautiful day!! The best day of the week! And so i decided to walk over to visit my other gramma who lives in Dundee. I was there a few hours and I walked back over to the library and got gas and went home; not getting any work done. The rest of the week consisted of me helping Dad and reading in between.
I did not achieve any of my goals this break: relax, de-stress, or get ahead on homework. And I'm not gonna lie, i am kind of annoyed but at the same time very happy.
Dad does so much for me; he pays for my car, offers me money, calls me when I'm at school. I have a great father. So why can't I give up a week! Brandy how can you be so selfish??
And on top of all that my father is paying me.
Overall I hope I helped my Dad out like he has helped me out all my life.
I think when I get back to school I will get as much work done as possible and then this weekend just relax the whole weekend; sleep in, go to a cafe somewhere and sit with some tea and relax.